


Prequels Texting AU

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, M/M, Multi, everyone is done with anakin, for once, let luke out of the closet 2k17, texting au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-09-10 17:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8925313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: kyloistoodramatic: I hate all of youkyloistoodramatic: ...on my waytotallynotoodramatic: <3kyloistoodramatic: fuck you you're going with me(abandoned)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Names:  
> anakin: sandakin  
> padmé: queen  
> obi-wan: obi1  
> mace windu: macewindow  
> r2d2: R2FU2  
> Luke: smolone  
> Leia: smoler  
> Han: candysmuggler  
> C3P0: C3ohno  
> Lando: lamsthough  
> yoda: greeniam

sandakin has added queen, obi1, macewindow, greeniam, R2FU2, and C3ohno to SOMEONE CHANGED MY NAME

sandakin: who changed my name?

obi1: Not me

queen: Not me

macewindow:nope

R2FU2: nah

C3ohno: No idea

greeniam: Not me it was

sandakin: YOU GUYS KNOW I HATE SAND

obi1: Believe me, we do

queen: Me especially

sandakin: I CAN'T CHANGE IT BACK

sandakin: WHO DID THIS?

queen: You're acting like a child

sandakin: I HATE SAND AND ALL OF U KNOW IT WHO DID THIS

obi1: Anakin, calm down

sandakin: WHY SAND 

macewindow: can I leave this? 

sandakin: NOT UNTIL I FIND OUT WHO DID THIS

macewindow has left the chat

sandakin has added macewindow to the chat

obi1: We live together why are you doing this through text?

sandakin: BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET UP

obi1: Where are you?

sandakin: The living room

obi1: No, you're not

sandakin: FINE IM OUTSIDE

sandakin: IM TRYING TO FIND MY CHILDREN THEY DID THIS

obi1: Anakin what

obi1: You lost our children

queen: I sent them outside

sandakin: THEY'RE GONE

obi1: We lost our children

queen: Anakin

sandakin: what

queen: you were supposed to watch them

sandakin: right.

queen: did you even go outside

sandakin: maybe

obi1: you 

obi1: you were playing with legos

sandakin: I WAS TRYING TO BUILD THEM SOMETHING BUT I COULDN'T FIND MY PHONE SO I WENT INSIDE TO FIND IT THEN I   
WENT OUTSIDE TO SEE IF THE TWINS KNEW AND THEY WERE GONE MY PHONE WAS UNDER THE TABLE WHERE I LEFT IT

obi1: shit

queen: agreed

sandakin: WAIT

 

sandakin has added smolone, smoler, candysmuggler, and lamsthough to SOMEONE CHANGED MY NAME

sandakin: CHILDREN WHERE ARE YOU

sandakin: I WILL GIVE YOU CANDY 

 

 

candysmuggler has added smolone, smoler, and lamsthough to WE'RE GOING TO GET CAUGHT

candysmuggler: shit 

candysmuggler: your dad's going to find us and then u have to tell him u changed it

smolone: we should run

smoler: agreed

lamsthough: he doesn't know you're at hans house though send out a decoy

smolone: i'll do it

smoler: no you're too easy to see

smoler: im shorter I can hide better

candysmuggler: I can't do it my mom would kill me 

smolone: dad wouldn't care as long as we changed it back

smoler: true

smoler: let's flip a coin

smoler: i'm heads

smolone: @roll flip

roll: heads 

smoler: BYE GUYS

smolone: LEIA DON'T DIE

lamsthough: MAKE SURE U GO TO MY HOUSE

candysmuggler: wait isn't padme going to be mad at u guys

smoler: nah she'll be mad at dad more

smolone: what about obi wan tho

candysmuggler: he saw me and just kept walking he doesn't care

smoler: IM LEAVING BYE

smolone: BYE LEIA 

smolone: DON'T LET DAD CATCH U

Anakin ran through the neighborhood, followed by Obi-Wan and Padmé

 

“LEIA, LUKE WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“ANAKIN, STOP YELLING”

“NEVER!”

“ANAKIN!”

“I SEE THEM!”

Leia went sprinting down the street, then dove behind Mace Windu's house (he yelled at her), through his backyard, jumped over the fence, and then ran into Lando's house.

Anakin tripped on the sidewalk and fell onto Mace Windu's property.  
Obi-Wan and Padme, who had finally caught up, simply shook their heads.

sandakin has entered SOMEONE CHANGED MY NAME

sandakin: DID U SEE WHERE THEY WENT

obi1: Get off your phone 

queen: You're lying on Mace Windu's front lawn texting. 

sandakin: SO WHAT

sandakin: WHY WON'T OUR CHILDREN TEXT US

smoler: DAD WE'RE AT LANDOS SORRY

smolone: YEAH 

lamsthough: SORRY MR. SKYWALKER

sandakin: CHILDREN WHO CHANGED MY NAME

smoler:BYE DAD

Anakin ran through Mace Windu's yard

obi1: I'm

obi1: I give up

queen: me too

queen has changed their name to 'donewithanakin'

obi1 has changed their name to 'moredonewithanakin'

macewindow has changed their name to 'mostdonewithanakin'

obi1: wait why is mace windu still here

queen: are R2 and 3P0 here too

R2FU2: yep

C3ohno: affirmative

sandakin: I ONLY FOUND LEIA

sandakin: KIDS I WILL TAKE YOUR PHONES AWAY IF YOU DONT TELL ME WHERE U ARE

smolone has entered the group 'WE'RE GOING TO GET CAUGHT'

smolone: HAN RUN 

candysmuggler: LETS GO TO LANDOS HOUSE ILL SAY YOURE AT MY HOUSE

candysmuggler has entered the group 'SOMEONE CHANGED MY NAME'

candysmuggler: THEYRE IN MY HOUSE SIR IM SORRY

smolone: THANKS HAN

smoler: YEAH THANKS A LOT

candysmuggler: WHAT

sandakin: U GUYS WHO CHANGED MY NAME 

sandakin: WHO

sandakin: OBI WAN PADME WHY ARE U DONE WITH ME I THOUGH U LOVED ME


	2. anakin is a mess

donewithanakin: Find the children

evenmoredonewithanakin: Anakin do you have them yet

sandakin: no

sandakin: I can't find them 

evenmoredonewithanakin: I thought they were at Han's house?

Sandakin: THEY MUST HAVE LEFT

sandakin: HAN ANSWER MEEEE

candysmuggler: sorry 

sandakin: WAIT OBO I SEE THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW

sandakin: THEY'RE A LANDO'S HOUSE

evenmoredonewithanakin: Never call me obo again

sandakin: :(

donewithanakin: Anakin I s2g

sandakin: PADS NO

evenmoredonewithanakin: That's worse

donewithanakin: Not really

sandakin: MY OBI WANTON

evenmoredonewithanakin: whAT

evenmoredonewithanakin: GO GET OUR CHILDREN

sandakin: I HAVE THEM

smolone: sorry mom

donewithanakin: ANAKIN HOW DID YOU EVEN LOSE THE KIDS

sandakin: I ALREADY TOLD YOU

smoler: luke where are u

smolone: running home moms yelling at dad while dad-wan facepalms in the backround

mostdonewithanakin: You people are hilarious

greeniam: right you are

 

smolone has entered 'WE'RE GOING TO GET CAUGHT'

smolone: HAN WHERE ARE U

candysmuggler: hiding with lando

lamsthough: yep

candysmuggler: can we go to your house

smoler: sure

smolone: yeah

candysmuggler: omw

smolone: kay

smolone has changed the group name to 'GAY SHENANAGINS'

smoler: luke you're the only gay one

smolone: han is bi

smoler: luke

smolone: fine

smolone has changed the group name to 'FUN'

smoler: better

 

sandakin has entered the group 'SOMEONE CHANGED MY NAME'

sandakin: I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO CHANGED MY NAME

sandakin: WHO WAS IT

sandakin: GUUUUYYYS

candysmuggler has entered the chat 'FUN'

candysmuggler: luke this name is terrible

candysmuggler: also do we tell ur dad

smolone: sure

smoler: i'll tell him he likes me better

smolone: he does not!

candysmuggler: yes he does

smolone: han you're mean

candysmuggler: get used to it kid

smolone: youre like one grade above me 

candysmuggler: two

smolone: fine if the age difference is so bad u shouldn't date leia

candysmuggler: I 

candysmuggler: luke wtf

smoler: why are u texting we're in the same house rn

smolone: idc

lamsthough: I cant find u guys where are u

smolone: we're in leias bedroom 

lamsthough: dont u still have to tell ur dad

smoler: shit ur right

 

smoler has entered the chat 'SOMEONE CHANGED MY NAME'

smoler: me luke han and lando did it 

sandakin: LEIA

sandakin: FIX IT

sandakin: I'LL GROUND YOU

smoler: i'll only do it if u promise not to ground me

smoler: plus dad-wan helped

sandakin: OBI WANTON WHY

candysmuggler: 'obi wanton'

candysmuggler: I

smolone: I KNOW 

smolone: it gets worse every day

sandakin has changed their name to 'bananakin'

evenmoredonewithanakin: You don't even like bananas

bananakin: I like bananaish things ;)

donewithanakin: oh mY GOD

evenmoredonewithanakin: ANAKIN STOP

smolone: PLEASE

smoler: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

bananakin: WHY DON'T WE ALL GET PIZZA TO CELEBRATE MY NAME BEING FIXED

evenmoredonewithanakin: When did it get to dinner time?

Donewithanakin: We've been trying to find the twins for two hours

bananakin: HOW

bananakin: ANYWAY

bananakin: PIZZA OR NAH

evenmoredonewithanakin: We don't have any food so I guess? Padmé? 

Donewithanakin: Sure!

Smolone: can lando and han come?

Bananakin: SURE

smoler: YAY

lamsthough: I cant my mom just made dinner

candysmuggler: LET'S DO THIS

bananakin: we can't fit everyone into the car

donewithanakin: We can walk, it's only 6 blocks or so

bananakin: LETS GO

 

candysmuggler has entered the chat 'FUN'

candysmuggler: your dad is so 

candysmuggler: extra

smoler: IKR

smolone: he was texting

smolone: on mace windus lawn

candysmuggler: hes cool though

candysmuggler: so is ur other dad 

smolone: yeah

smoler: u guys are literally texting while u walk next each other get off ur phones

smolone: SO ARE U

smoler: u just walked into a pole

smolone: dont judge

candysmuggler: r u ok tho

smolone: no my head hurts

smoler: lol

smolone: LEIA I AM IN PAIN 

smoler: sorry 

smoler: u ok

candysmuggler: wait we're literally standing around luke who's lying on the ground texting and moaning in pain

smoler: 'moaning' huh

smolone: LEIA STOP

smolone: plz

smolone: fine

smolone: im going to get up now 

smoler: oh we're outside the pizza place

 

bananakin has entered 'SOMEONE STOLE MY PHONE'

bananakin: WHY ARE OUR CHILDREN STANDING AROUND TEXTING

bananakin: WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR SON

evenmoredonewithanakin: I have no idea

donewithanakin: He ran into a pole

bananakin: WE SHOULD GO INSIDE NOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVERYONE IS SO OC   
> Except maybe anakin but


	3. anakin fails at pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's do this shit  
> trying to write rn and i have a sudden urge to read skysolo fanfiction  
> this is hard  
> update on the names:  
> rey: reyofsunshine  
> poe: poeno  
> finn: finn  
> kylo: totallynottoodramatic  
> bb8: bbm8  
> hux: kyloistoodramatic  
> phasma: phastastic

smolone has entered the chat 'FUN'

 

smolone: we need a new name

smoler: yeah this one sucks

candysmuggler: we could call it

candysmuggler: idk actually

candysmuggler: 2 kids and han chat

smolone: what about lando

candysmuggler: fuck lando

candysmuggler: he tried to derail my candy smuggling

smolone: isn't that kid jabba already mad bc u own him a ton of candy?

candysmuggler: yeah but he told ur dad and hes the dean so

candysmuggler: I got detention

candysmuggler: however I escaped thanks to your dad

candysmuggler: he was overseeing detention and he just let us play on our phones  
the whole time

candysmuggler: he was texting

smoler: lol

candysmuggler: yeah

smolone: what kind of pizza should we get

smoler: cheese

candysmuggler: bitch no I want pepperoni

smolone: um

smolone: excuse u han

smolone: CHEESE 4 LIFE

candysmuggler: kid no

smolone: I do what I want

candysmuggler: someday u children will be adults

candysmuggler: I never want to see that

smolone: you are less than 2 years older than us

candysmuggler: lol im going to drive before u

candysmuggler: im not taking u two anywhere

 

bananakin has entered the chat 'SOMEONE CHANGED MY NAME'

bananakin has changed this chats name to 'PIZZA'

bananakin: GUYS WHAT KIND OF PIZZA ARE WE GETTING

evenmoredonewithanakin: get off your phone anakin

donewithanakin: you are texting while the waitress awkwardly stares at you

evenmoredonewithanakin: and we're getting pepperoni

smolone: WE DECIDED ON CHEESE

evenmoredonewithanakin: you kids have been on your phones the entire time

smolone: WELL WE WERE TEXTING EACH OTHER

smolone: AND WE WANT CHEESE

bananakin: fine

 

you have entered the chat 'FUN'

candysmuggler: you people are manipulative

smolone: wait guys

smolone: do u want me to bring some cool middle school kids to this

smoler: sure

candysmuggler: YES I KNOW THESE COOL MIDDLE SCHOOLERS

smolone: OK

smolone has added 'reyofsunshine', 'poeno', 'bbm8' and 'finn' to 'FUN'

reyofsunshine: Hi!

Smolone: hi rey!

Poeno: HELLO COOL HIGH SCHOOL PEOPLE

smolone: hi poe!

Bbm8: hi

finn: hi!  
Smolone: LEIA THESE ARE SOME COOL EIGHTH GRADERS

poeno: do u mind if I add some other people?

Smolone: nah

 

poeno has added 'phastastic' and 'kyloistoodramatic' to 'FUN'

candysmuggler: WAIT NOT THOSE PEOPLE

poeno: they're cool though!

kyloistoodramatic: yeah kylo's the emo asshole

candysmuggler: actually

candysmuggler: he owes me money

candysmuggler has added 'totallynottoodramatic' to 'FUN'

totallynotoodramatic: WHAT

totallynottoodramatic: FUCK U PEOPLE IM BUSY

candysmuggler: u owe me money

totallynottoodramatic: bye

totallynottoodramatic has left the chat

totallynottoodramatic has been added to the chat

smoler: WHO DID THAT

smolone: not me

totallynottoodramatic: WHY CANT I LEAVE

kyloistoodramatic: lol I fucked with ur phone

totallynottoodramatic: I will beat u up

kyloistoodramatic: and I will sue ur emo ass

smolone: wow

smoler: these are some badass middle schoolers

phastastic: lol not kylo hes just a little emo child

totallynottoodramatic: fuck u how do u mute this

kyloistoodramatic: wouldn't u like to know

totallynottoodramatic: SHUT UP

kyloistoodramatic: make me

totallynottoodramatic: MAYBE I WILL

phastastic: gay

smolone: I ship it

smoler: Luke

smoler: stop shipping innocent children

totallynottoodramatic: IM NOT INNOCENT I LISTEN TO MCR

candysmuggler: u emo shit u owe me money

smoler: kylo pay up

smolone: yeah so I can kick u out

 

poeno: oh thank god

reyofsunshine: agreed

reyofsunshine: want to come over with finn

poeno: YES

finn: YES

totallynottoodramatic: IM GOING TO UR HOUSE HUX

totallynottoodramatic: U HAVE 2 FIX MY PHONE

kyloistoodramatic: lol nah

totallynottoodramatic: im bringing phasma

phastastic: no hes not

phastastic: im a softball practice

phastastic: bye actually

finn: MY PHONE IS DINGING TOO MUCH

poeno: IM TRYING TO WALK TO FINNS HOUSE BUT MY PHONE IS  
DINGING SO MUCH PEOPLE KEEP LOOKING AT ME

reyofsunshine: I just came in to get my phone and I have like 20 messages guys  
chill

poeno: so im muting this BYE

finn: BYE

reyofsunshine: 666

totallynottoodramatic: illuminati confirmed

reyofsunshine: *^^^

kyloistoodramatic: also kylo u suck at memes BYE I have to go to dinner with my  
insufferable parents

kyloistoodramatic: who tf talks about which college you're going to go to in 8th grade

candysmuggler: who tf says insufferable

smolone: BURN

smoler: BURN

kyloistoodramatic: sorry I couldn't here u over the sound of me leAVING

totallynottoodramatic: HUX IM AT UR HOUSE

kyloistoodramatic: I SEE U

kyloistoodramatic: LEAVE

totallynottoodramatic: NO

kyloistoodramatic: he

kyloistoodramatic: he's climbing the fence

kyloistoodramatic: it's electrified

totallynottoodramatic: BYE I JUST GOT ELECTROCUTED IM GOING HOME

smolone: I CAN SEE U FROM HERE

smoler: HIS HAIR IS ACTUALLY STANDING UP STRAIGHT

smoler: ALL OF IT

candysmuggler: guys eat ur fucking pizza

smoler: good idea

smolone: ye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic just
> 
> evolves into more of a mess


	4. GASO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heavily based off last nights chat
> 
>  
> 
> HEAVILY

'banankin' has entered the chat 'PIZZA'

bananakin: why have you people not texted me in three days

evenmoredonewithanakin: we were actually talking to you in person 

bananakin: well

donewithanakin: come back inside it's cold

bananakin: I am not cold

bananakin: coats are for weaklings

evenmoredonewithanakin: I am only wearing 2 jackets

bananakin: its fucking cold actually bye

bananakin: I need to go get 6 jackets

bananakin: OBI WAN 

evenmoredonewithanakin: whAT

bananakin: THAT IS MY JACKET

bananakin: YOU ASSHOLE

donewithanakin: LANGUAGE

bananakin: NOPE

bananakin: we are all staying inside for the remainder of the day

bananakin: its to fucking cold to function

bananakin: I cant even trype

bananakin: tyerf

bananakin: types

bananakin: type

evenmoredonewithanakin: why don't you go inSIDE THEN

bananakin: THE CHILDREN ARE NOT INSIDE

evenmoredonewithanakin: they went to han's house 4 hours ago

bananakin: fine

bananakin: but I am making hot chocolate

bananakin: wiTH THE STOVE

donewithanakin: oh god

candysmuggler has entered the chat 'FUN'

candysmuggler has kicked 'lamsthough' out of the chat

candysmuggler: oops

smolone: WE'RE TRYING TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK COME FIND ME

candysmuggler: TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE

smolone: NEVER

smoler: THAT'S NOT HOW YOU PLAY HAN

candysmuggler: IDC

smolone: WE'RE IN THE SAME ROOM COME FIND ME

candysmuggler: I HAVE SEARCHED THIS ROOM FIVE TIMES

candysmuggler: WE'VE BEEN PLAYING FOR 3 HOURS AND I ALREADY FOUND FINN REY POE BEN PHASMA AND LEIA

candysmuggler: WHERE ARE YOU AND HUX

kyloistoodramatic: well

kyloistoodramatic: wouldn't you like to know

smolone: HE'S HIDING OUTSIDE UP A TREE

kyloistoodramatic: I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE NICE ONE  
smolone: THATS LEIA

smoler: I WILL NOT BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS

poeno: lmao

finn: this is freaking hilarious

finn: we're following him around

finn: he's running around the kitchen yelling and trying to find luke

finn: now he's going outside

finn: I can see hux

finn: how does he not see him

finn: he's right there

finn: his hair is practically glowing

finn: H O W

kyloistoodramatic: this is fucking hilarious

kyloistoodramatic: I am right here

candysmuggler: WHERE

smolone: I can see him from the kitchen 

smolone: he's right there

smolone: the one to the right

smolone: theres not even snow on his hair

smolone: how do you not see him

candysmuggler: WAIT 

candysmuggler: I CAN SEE LUKE THROUGH THE WINDOW

smolone: fuck  
smolone: BYEE

reyofsunshine: han

candysmuggler: YES

reyofsunshine: luke is in the corner cabinet

smolone: B E T R A Y E D 

smolone: BY MY OWN 

smolone: FRIEND?

Reyofsunshine: IT HAS BEEN T H R E E H O U R S 

candysmuggler: HOW DID HE FIT INTO THAT CABINET

smolone: just look at my name

smolone: it has its advantages

smoler: not that many though

smoler: you can't see anything at concerts and things 

candysmuggler: HOW ARE YOU THAT SHORT ANYWAY

candysmuggler: YOU'RE LIKE 4'2

smolone: I AM 5'1

smolone: THAT IS AN AVERAGE HEIGHT

smolone: YOU NOODLE

candysmuggler: did you just

poeno: G A S P 

 

candysmuggler: G  
A  
S  
O

smoler: 'gaso'

smoler; have you even found hux yet

candysmuggler: nope

kyloistoodramatic: I WIN 

smolone: I WAS CHEATED

kyloistoodramatic: this tree is really uncomfortable

kyloistoodramatic: i'm going inside

totallynotoodramatic: HUX

kyloistoodramatic: no

totallynotoodramatic: YOU NEED TO FIX MY PHONE

kyloistoodramatic: good luck with that

totallynotoodramatic: MY BACKROUND IS 5SOS

totallynotoodramatic: THATS NOT EVEN EMO

totallynotoodramatic: THEYRE FUCKING POP PUNK

kyloistoodramatic: I know

poeno: why don't we watch dr. who

finn: good idea

reyofsunshine: there's a christmas special!

Phastastic: KYLO HUX COME IN

candysmuggler: THEY ARE STANDING THERE TEXTING AND GLARING AT EACH OTHER  
phastastic: i'll go get them 

finn: THIS IS TERRIFYING

poeno: SHE JUST

reyofsunshine: STRAIGHT UP

finn: CARRIED KYLO

reyofsunshine: HE IS SCREAMING 

candysmuggler: I should go to the living room

reyofsunshine: yes you should

candysmuggler: what is going on? I dont really watch dr who

poeno: um

finn: it's basically about these people 

finn: and they have to maintain the timeline

smolone: should we go home? Its getting late

smoler: nah

smoler: ill ask dad if we can stay over

candysmuggler: but it's christmas eve

smoler; exactly!

Smolone: awesome christmas sleepover

reyofsunshine: I actually have to head home

poeno: WE'RE GOING WITH YOU 

finn: YES

reyofsunshine: BYE GUYS

kyloistoodramatic: my dad just texted me and commanded me to return home  
totallynotoodramatic: lol not me

candysmuggler: get out of my house ben

candysmuggler: you're lucky phasma let you in

phastastic: gotta go guys

candysmuggler: take ben with you

totallynotoodramatic: MY NAME IS K Y LO R E N

kyloistoodramatic: more like crylo ren

poeno: BURRRN

reyofsunshine: GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND WATCH THE SHOW

finn: commERCIALS

reyofsunshine: holy crap

reyofsunshine: are you two

reyofsunshine: cudDLING? 

Smolone: PICTURES

smoler: ^^^

reyofsunshine: wow.jpg

smolone: noodle

smoler: wow

smolone: THATS SO

smoler: sickening

smolone: SWEET

smolone: WHAT

smolone: THATS SO CUTE  
smoler: nope

smolone: ALSO I WAS READING STAR TREK FANFIC

smoler: luke

smoler: the fuck?

Smolone: dont question my methods

smolone: AND I REMEMBERED SOMETHING

smolone: vuLCANS KISS WITH THEIR HANDS

candysmuggler: DAMNIT

smolone: IT'S CANON

smolone: TAKE THAT HAM

smolone: HAN

smoler: a dot ham

smolone: a dot burr

smolone: ANYWAY

candysmuggler: IT IS NOT

candysmuggler: HES HALF VULCAN

smolone: T FUCKING HY'LA

candysmuggler: FRIEND 

candysmuggler: BROTHER

smolone: L O V E R 

candysmuggler: noT IN THE AOS

smolone: but

smolone: the fcking goodbye kiss  
candysmuggler: gesture of respect

smoler: this is ridiculous

smolone: THIS IS CANON

smoler: debatable

smoler: MY OWN SISTER

smolone: BETRAYING MEEEEE

smoler: I mean

smoler: in the originals, yeah

smoler: but not necessarily in the aos

smolone: I

smolone: did u even see into darkness

smoler: I watched it with you

smoler: you were screaming about spirk 

smoler: into my ear

smoler: the entire time

smoler: han was screaming in my other ear about spuhura

smoler: what kind of ship is named spuhura

smolone: ANYWAY

smolone: HAS ANYONE ASKED IF WE CAN STAY OVER

smoler: fuck

smoler has entered the chat 'PIZZA'

smoler: daaaad

bananakin: What?  
smoler: can we stay over at hans?

Bananakin: SURE


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we made sex jokes in the chat of course i would do this  
>  AND YES I CHANGED HAN LUKE AND LEIA TO HIGH SCHOOL JUST FOR SOME JOKES
> 
>  
> 
> OOPS

bananakin: so 

evenmoredonewithanakin: so

donewithanakin: so

evenmoredonewithanakin: it is 9 pm

bananakin: so what

donewithanakin: go to fucking bed

bananakin: how are you two even awake

bananakin: you were not awake a minute ago

donewithanakin: go to bed

bananakin: nope

donewithanakin: I will drag you

bananakin: fine 

bananakin: I am not happy though

totallynotoodramatic has entered the chat: 'FUN'

totallynotoodramatic: put ur vibrator on low im trying to watch the voice

kyloistoodramatic: THAT IS MY TOOTHBRUSH YOU WANKER

totallynotoodramatic: sure it is 

totallynotoodramatic: how do I know what you use your toothbrush for

totallynotoodramatic: all I know is that you're into some kinky shit

kyloistoodramatic: ew do u know how many diseases you can get from that?

Totallynotoodramatic: so you've looked into it 

kyloistoodramatic: fuck you

totallynotoodramatic: maybe later im busy with the toothbrush 

poeno: WHEZZINF

smolone: you come into my chAT

smolone: AND YOU DO THIS 

smoler: I am

smoler: disgusted

candysmuggler: lmao 

candysmuggler: also do kylo and hux hate each other or are they dating

finn: um

finn: yes?

Poeno: accurate

reyofsunshine: aaaaaaahhhhhhhh

reyofsunshine: screenshotted all of it

reyofsunshine: I can actually hear poe laughing from the other room 

poeno: GHOAHAIHGNHVNSIOA

poeno: THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

finn: I am vaguely disgusted

finn: poe looks cute when hes laughing though

reyofsunshine: tmi

phastastic: you people

phastastic: my mom checks my phone

kyloistoodramatic: well shit

totallynotoodramatic: dont kill me?

Phastastic: nope.

Poeno: reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

reyofsunshine: what

poeno: finn has a question

reyofsunshine: ask away

finn: so this guy told me today 'lets play house u be the door and i'll slam u'

finn: what does that mean?

Poeno: OH SWEETIE

reyofsunshine: idk actually

poeno: it means he want to do the frickle frackle

finn: okay

finn: I just pretended I didnt hear him

poeno: you're fine 

reyofsunshine: i'll beat him up for u 

poeno: me too

smolone: yall are so cute

smoler: guys 

smoler: I have an idea

smolone: go ahead

smoler; nvm its 9 PM

smoler: gooDNIGHT

smolone: NIGHT 

kyloistoodramatic: ren get out of my house

totallynotoodramatic: NOT GETTING ELECTROCUTED T O D A Y BYE

poeno: you guys should head home actually

finn: yeah its pretty dark byee 

phastastic: leaving with kylo so he dosen't get into a fight

reyofsunshine: going with finn so we stay safe

reyofsunshine: bye!!! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is 1:15 am don't judge me


	6. fandom time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oops more star trek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. They were both amazing women who deserved more time. 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter
> 
> byee

smoler: ABOUT THAT IDEA

smolone: IT'S 4 AM

candysmuggler: I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE AWAKE

kyloistoodramatic: you fuckers woke me up

totallynotoodramatic: weaklings it's only 4 am

kyloistoodramatic: some of us don't sleep until noon

poeno: GO TO BED

finn: ALL OF YOU

reyofsunshine: IT'S OFFICALLY CHRISTMAS

poeno: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

finn: im jewish actually

poeno: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

poeno: I FORGOT TO SAY HAPPY HANUKAH YESTERDAY

totallynotoodramatic: well im not celebrating its against my beliefs

kyloistoodramatic: last year when a lady said merry christmas he said 'I prefer satan'

poeno: wow

smolone: LEIAAAAAA

smolone: WHAT'S YOUR IDEA

smoler: WE COULD ALL HANG OUT ON NEW YEARS AND CELEBRATE THE DEATH OF 2016

smolone: WOOHOO

poeno: AND MOURN THE USA UNDER TRUMP

finn: GOOD IDEA

reyofsunshine: BEN HUX WHAT DO YOU THINK

totallynotoodramatic: ITS KYLO YOU IMBECILE

kyloistoodramatic: do you even know what imbecile means

  
totallynotoodramatic: SOMEONE OVERDRAMATIC

kyloistoodramatic: wow

finn: doesn't it mean stupid?

smolone: yep

smoler: WHO'S HOUSE ARE WE GOING TO FOR ALL THIS

kyloistoodramatic: btw my parents should be fine as long as I do my homework

finn: same

reyofsunshine: same

totallynotoodramatic: same ugh

poeno: wait shit what homework

finn: science project

poeno: DONE

reyofsunshine: I only have to glue everything down

smolone: HANNNNNN

candysmuggler: whaT

smolone: NEW YEARS EVE

candysmuggler: yep

smoler: WHICH HOUSE GUYS

smolone: duh ours

smoler: k

smolone: HAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN

candysmuggler: What

smolone: WHY IS THERE AN EMAIL IN MY INBOX ON WHY SPUHURA IS THE ULTIMATE SHIP

candysmuggler: shit

smolone: FIRST OF ALL THEY WEREN'T EVEN TOGETHER IN THE ORIGINALS

smolone: SECOND OF ALL THEY BROKE UP

smolone: THIRD OF ALL UHURA U S E D SPOCK TO GET ONTO THE ENTERPRISE

candysmuggler: WELL IT'S CANON

smolone: IT'S NOT EVEN CANON IN HALF THE CANON

smolone: AND THATS A SHIT REASON

smoler: can I just say my unbiased opinion

smoler: SPIRK IS PRETTY FUCKING CANON AND SPUHURA IS THE DUMBEST SHIP NAME OKAY PLUS THE RELATIONSHIP IS FLAT AND FAKE FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN

smolone: PREACH

candysmuggler: well that doesn't mean spirk is any better

smoler: PERSONALLY I SHIP SPONES BUT I THINK SPIRK HAS MUCH MORE CHEMISTRY THAN SPUHURA

kyloistoodramatic: do any of you know what they're talking about

totallynotoodramatic: nope

finn: nope

reyofsunshine: nope

poeno: stAR TREK

poeno: AND I AGREE WITH LEIA

smolone: YES

smolone: I SHALL INFORM YOU PEOPLE THAT DON'T WATCH STAR TREK

reyofsunshine: have at it

smolone: SO IT'S SET LIKE 300 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND THERE'S THIS THING CALLED THE FEDERATION AND STARFLEET AND THEY HELP PEOPLE ACROSS THE GALAXY AND THERE'S AN ORIGINAL SHOW AND ANOTHER SHOW WITH DIFFERENT CHARACTERS 3 OKAY MOVIES 3 KINDA SHIT MOVIES AND SOME OTHER STUFF

smolone: AND THE BAD GUYS ARE KHAN, KLINGONS, AND ROMULANS

smolone: SOMETIMES

smolone: THEN THERE'S A REBOOT FRANCHISE AND BASICALLY ROMULUS BLOWS UP SO THIS DUDE NERO GETS PISSED AND THEN HE GOES INTO A BLACK HOLE SO HE CAN GO BACK IN TIME AND SPOCK FOLLOWS HIM AND THEY CREATE A NEW TIMELINE WHERE EVERYTHING IS FUCKED UP AND KIRKS DAD DIES AND THEN NERO BLOWS UP VULCAN AND OLD SPOCK SHOWS UP

smolone: BASICALLY THEY RESTART BUT EVERYONE'S YOUNGER

smolone: AND THERE'S A TON OF GAY MOMENTS EVERYWHERE

smoler: accurate

candysmuggler: true tbh

smolone: AND IN THE REBOOTS UHURA IS ANNOYING AND DATING SPOCK FOR NO REASON

smoler: also accurate

smolone: THAT'S ALL FOR NOW

kyloistoodramatic: wow

totallynotoodramatic: boring tbh

poeno: FIGHT ME

poeno: I LOVE STAR TREK

finn: why don't we all watch the reboots on new years

smoler: GOOD IDEA

smolone: BE PREPARED FOR ME TO SCREAM AT ALL THE GAY PARTS

poeno: SMAE

poeno: SAME

kyloistoodramatic: well i'm going to sleep

reyofsunshine: so do any of you like hamilton?

Smolone: yES

smoler: idk it has good music

candysmuggler: idk lando likes it

reyofsunshine: his username though

poeno: what's hamilton?

finn: ITS A REALLY GOOD MUSICAL ABOUT THE FOUNDING FATHER

smolone: BTW JOHN LAURENS WAS REALLY GAY FOR ALEXANDER HAMILTON

reyofsunshine: C O L D I N M Y P R O F E S S I O N S

smolone: TO CONVINCE YOU, MY DEAR LAURENS

poeno: I think I read something about that

poeno: im going to bed

smoler: the letters?

smolone: YESSSSSSSSS

smoler: fuck it's 5 am byee

smolone: actually

smolone: gaynight

candysmuggler: bi bi guys

totallynotoodramatic: HAMILTON IS FOR NERDS BYE

reyofsunshine: finnnnnnnnnnnn

finn: YES?

reyofsunshine: goodnight

finn: goodnight.

reyofsunshine: ALSO KYLO I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOU HAMILTON IS AWESOME

reyofsunshine: bye for real now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S PUTTING THEIR FANDOMS IN HERE
> 
> IT'S MEEEEEE
> 
> SPIRK
> 
> LAMS
> 
> BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
> 
> if you see any errors please let me know
> 
> you can fullly blame me this chapter
> 
> also the the thing at the end applies for literally every chapter of this gay mess lmao
> 
> leave comments bc i'm comment trash
> 
> bye for real


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha i totally didnt just not update for 8 days  
> star trek spoilers ahead

evenmoredonewithanakin: why are there 7 children in our house

donewithanakin: is that star trek

evenmoredonewithanakin: anakin,,, what

bananakin: did I not tell you 

evenmoredonewithanakin: tell us whAT

bananakin: oh leia asked me 

evenmoredonewithanakin: anakin,,,,, we don't have enough food

donewithanakin: you need to tell us things

bananakin: it was like 6 am on new years eve whaT

bananakin: ill go get some food

evenmoredonewithanakin: what is luke screaming about 

donewithanakin: what is han screaming about

bananakin: what is poe screaming about

donewithanakin: oh just ships

evenmoredonewithanakin: what,, is a ship

bananakin: screaMS

bananakin: HPW DO U NOPTA

bananakin: HOW DO U NOT

bananakin: knOW

evenmoredonewithanakin: jusT TELL ME

bananakin: ITS WHEN U WNAT TWO PEOPLE TO BE TOGETHER

bananakin: UR AN ADULT HOW 

donewithanakin: fooD NEEDS TO BE HAPPENING

bananakin: shiT BYE

smolone has entered 'FUN'

smolone: HAN I WILL FIGHT YOUUU

reyofsunshine: SCREAMS I LOVE THIS MOVIE

kyloistoodramatic: I would love it too if I could fuCKING HEAR IT 

smoler: SHUT UP YOU TWO

candysmuggler: WHAT ABOUT NO

smolone: SCREAMS DID YOU SEE THOSE PARALELS

candysmuggler: artisTIC EFFECT'

smolone: whaT NO

totallynotoodramatic: this movie is too gay for me

kyloistoodramatic: you're literally gay

totallynotoodramatic: but what if I dont care

smolone: SCREAMS THEYRE ABOUT TO MEET

smolone: I LOVE LIFE

candysmuggler: HERE COMES UHURA

smoler: at least,, theyre quiet now

finn: so spock is the one with pointy ears? 

poeno: Yes

phastastic: would all of you just,,,, watch the movie

smolone: screamING 

smolone: THE NEXT HE SAYS HTAT PREPARE FOR A N G S T 

finn: whAT

finn: I LOVE THESE PEOPLE WHAT ANGST

poeno: just watch the movie its not for a while

smolone: THEYRE IN THHE S A M E R O O M 

smolone: DID YOU SEE THAT STARE

candysmuggler: its a stare of h a t r e d 

smoler: boi, ive seen hux and kylo within 2 feet of each other, that is a Gay Stare

smoler: also,,, can you guys put your phones on silent so I can appreciate the spones

poeno: screaming herE COMES THE ENTERPRISE

poeno: so,,,, how long until chekov and sulu show up

kyloistoodramatic: this movie is pretty gay

smolone: agREED

phastastic: im turning my phone off juST WATCH THE MOVIE

smolone: waiT 

smolone: moMS HERE DO I STOP SCREAMING

smoler: youve been screaming for like an hour nah

reyofsunshine: phas good idea 

reyofsunshine: luke,, could you please stop screaming

smolone: theyRE ON THE BRIDGE TOGETHER NOW

candysmuggler: did spock and uhura just glanCE AT EACH OTHER

smoler: noPE 

smolone: herE COMES THE PLOT

kyloistoodramatic: this movie seems very rushed

poeno: true

poeno: anywaY CHEKOV AND SULU DID YOU SEE THEM

smolone: YES

poeno: my OTP

finn: ,,,,

finn: not pike I like him

poeno: whaT NOOO

poeno: donT DO THAT FINN

poeno: DONT GET A T T A C H E D TO HIM

totallynotoodramatic: what does he die

kyloistoodramatic: shut up hes like,,,, the only competent person on that ship

totallynotoodramatic: except maybe spock

kyloistoodramatic: spock is literally the only one who wasnt promoted because either A: someone died  
or B: someone was incompetent/sick

smolone: I,, never noticed that

smoler: so does bones just,,, leave

smolone: yep

totallynotoodramatic: so,,,,who's the old guy

smolone: spOCK 

smoler: luke please,, stop,,, screaming

smolone: nevER

candysmuggler: scotty's almost here ayy

poeno: thERE HE ISSS

finn: poe,, please stop screaming,,, there is enough screaming going on here

poeno: whaT ABOUT I DONT 

poeno: but okay I will

finn: so that's spock from the past?

Smolone: yeS IT IS 

candysmuggler: o shit here comes the fight scene

smolone: holy crap

smolone: I forgot about that

smoler: did he just do the vulcan sign

smolone: yes

smolone: im lowkey crying

smoler: herE IT COMES

smolone: SHREIKS 

smolone: IS HE FUCKIGNAJKJ

smolone: C H O K I N G H I M 

candysmuggler: it's a figHT SCENE

smolone: is it

smolone: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

smoler: I am Suffering luke stOP

smolone: ah yes,, action scenes

smolone: love those

smolone: yep.

Smolone: holY CRAP IT'S 10:30 ALREADY 

smolone: GUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSS LISTEN TO ME 

smolone: SO BASCIALLY,,,,,,, THEY WIN,,,, NERO DIES,,,, AND THEN OLD SPOCK SHOWS UP,,,, AND SPOCK DECIDES TO STAY WITH ENTERPRISE,,,, THEN IT ENDS O KAY D ON E 

smolone: inTO DARKNESS HERE WE COME

bananakin has added donewithanakin and evenmoredonewithanakin to 'PIZZA'

evenmoredonewithanakin: what?

Bananakin: whAT KINDS OF FOOD DO CHILDREN LIKE

evenmoredonewithanakin: UMMM

donewithanakin: THEY LIKE THINGS LIKE CHIPS 

evenmoredonewithanakin: AND LIKE,,,, SODA

donewithanakin: you've been at the store for like,, an hour and a half

bananakin: but,, I dont care

evenmoredonewithanakin: just,, buy one of those chip things with like 30 chips,, and a liter of soda,,, and comE HOME ALREADY

donewithanakin: ^^^^^

bananakin: okaY BYE

evenmoredonewithanakin: padme,, why can I hear luke screaming,, from halfway across the house,, what is happening

donewithanakin: they're watching star trek into darkness

evenmoredonewithanakin: ah.

Evenmoredonewithanakin: isn't that the one where kirk dies

donewithanakin: indeed 

evenmoredonewithanakin: okay i'm going in there luke might cry

donewithanakin: right. 

Smolone has entered 'FUN'

smolone: I am suffERING 

smoler: LUKE WE'RE ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THE MOVIE

smolone: S U F F E R I N G 

smoler: (¬_¬)

totallynotoodramatic: enOUGH WITH THE STALE MEMES

smolone: ﴾͡๏̯͡๏﴿ O'RLY?

totallynotoodramatic: huX HELP

kyloistoodramatic: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

totallynotoodramatic: heLP ME PEOPLE

reyofsunshine: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

phastastic: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

poeno: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

finn: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

candysmuggler:¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

totallynotoodramatic: im Suffering

finn: WAIT WHAT AJKAIOGJKASGJIOADBN

finn: IM SCREAMIGN DID HE JSUT

finn: K I L L P I K E 

kyloistoodramatic: HWHAT

kyloistoodramatic: M;OTHETFUCKEHGNAB

kyloistoodramatic: I MEAN KHAN WAS TE CH N I C AL LY JUSTIFIED IN MOST OF HIS ACTIONS BUT

kyloistoodramatic: YOU CANT JSUT KILL P I K E

smolone: P A Y A T T E N T I O N 

kyloistoodramatic: fiNE

kyloistoodramatic: WAI8T WHAT AGAHB

poeno: NOT THE ENTERPRISE

poeno: WHATAOGBAJAKIO

poeno: SCEMGALGNAI

poeno: kiRK NOOOOO

smoler: lukE ARE YOU CRYING

smolone: maYBE A LITTLE

candysmuggler: liKE SAME 

smoler: W H Y 

smolone: now might not be the time but this is definitely a Gay Scene

smolone: k off to go cry more

reyofsunshine: I THOUGH THIS WAS A HAPPY MOVIE

finn: ME TO O

totallynotoodramatic: EVEN IM MAD 

smolone: THATS RIGHT SPOCK,,, BEAT HIM UP

candysmuggler: INDEED

reyofsunshine: DO IT FOR KIRK

finn: KHAN YOU 

finn: YOU NOODLE

poeno: S U F F E R I N G 

smolone: Waithgbkv

reyofsunshine: UHURA NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

finn: W HA T

finn: okay,,,,,,,,,,, theyre going back,,,, we're good

reyofsunshine: thaNK GOD

finn: HE LIVES

kyloistoodramatic: damn.

Reyofsunshine: whAT DID YOU JUST SAY

kyloistoodramatic: he was clearly incompetent. although his sacrifice was wise. 

reyofsunshine: FIGHT ME 

finn: she just,,,, punched hux

poeno: laughinf

smolone: it'S ALREADY 11:53

smoler: SCREAMS

smoler: tuRN ON CNN

smolone: ON IT 

poeno: IM READY TO WATCH THIS YEAR DIE

reyofsunshine: RT

finn: RT

phastastic: RT

smolone: RT

smoler: RT

candysmuggler: RT

kyloistoodramatic: rt

totallynotoodramatic: ...rt

kyloistoodramatic: kylo,,, I know you're emo but that was way too reluctant

totallynotoodramatic: shes my mortal enemy chill

reyofsunshine: what? 

Kyloistoodramatic: shriEKS 

poeno: IM YELLING HE JUST ACTUALLY SHRIEKED

finn: I GOT IT ON VIDEO

reyofsunshine: WHEEZINFGGHHG

smolone: GUYS,,,, TURN YOUR PHONES OFF,, ITS 11:58

smoler: hoLY 

 

donewithanakin has entered 'PIZZA'

donewithanakin: ANAKIN

bananakin: SHIT 

evenmoredonewithanakin: GET IN HERE

bananakin: IM PULLING IN THE DRIVEWAY 

evenmoredonewithanakin: huRRY

donewithanakin: we want to kiss you at midnight 

bananakin: I JUST WALKED IN HELLO 

evenmoredonewithanakin: geT IN HERE

 

candysmuggler: what,,, just happened

smolone: scREAMING

smoler: AL;SO SCREAMING

reyofsunshine: diD KYLO AND HUX JUST KISS

smoler: im traumatized

smolone: our parents are always that gross

smoler: yeah,,, but not quite that gross

smolone: well yeah im also traumatized

candysmuggler: ,,,,,me too

totallynotoodramatic: I TS 2017

kyloistoodramatic: scrEAMS 

kyloistoodramatic: FINALLY

finn: FINALLY

poeno: FINALLY 

kyloistoodramatic: ,,stop agreeing with me it makes me uncomfortable

poeno: nice kylo imitation

smoler: do we watch beyond now

smolone: YES

smolone: wherE IS THE MOVIE

poeno: it's,, ri ght there

smolone: OH

smoler: the movie just starts with his shirt getting ripped

smolone: reFERENCES

candysmuggler: O HSIT YOUR RIGHT 

poeno: GOOD ONE ABRAMS

smolone: spOCK HAS ARRIVED

smoler: AS HAS BONES

smolone: noT THE ENTERPRISE

reyofsunshine: did the ship just get destroyed

finn: whAT 

kyloistoodramatic: inCOMPETENT

totallynotoodramatic: rt

kyloistoodramatic: st op agreeing with me

totallynotoodramatic: no

kyloistoodramatic: better.

Phastastic: its 12:32 how is luke so awake

smolone: coFFEE

smoler: whO GAVE YOU COFFEE

candysmuggler: ,,

smoler: H A N 

candysmuggler: oops.

smoler: how did he even convince you,, you noodle

smolone: ;)

smoler: ,,,

candysmuggler: he did puppy eyes

smoler: you weakling

kyloistoodramatic: they're pretty convincing

smoler: tru but

smolone: WAIT

smolone: IF SCOTTY DIES I DIE TOO

poeno: RT

reyofsunshine: screAMING IS EVERYONE OKAY

finn: WHERES SULU AND CHEKOV

reyofsunshine: WHERES SPOCK AND BONES

finn: IS UHURA O K AY

poeno: scREAMING I HAVENT SEEN THIS YET

smolone: just you wait

reyofsunshine: im willing to wait for it

smolone: waiT FOR IT

kyloistoodramatic: so,, kirks incompetency caused his ship to get destroyed, half of his crew get captured, and now he's left with only one crew member

totallynotoodramatic: whos that alien girl

smolone: an amazing person

phastastic: can you all pl e as e watch the movie

smolone: good idea 

 

bananakin has entered 'PIZZA'

bananakin has changed the name to '2017 FINALLY'

evenmoredonewithanakin: so,, anakin

bananakin: what?

Evenmoredonewithanakin: did you invite those seven kids over for the night

bananakin: oops.

donewithanakin: oh god

bananakin: they're responsible children

smolone: mosT OF US ARE

smoler: WHO WAS THAT DIRECTED AT

smolone: KYLO ISNT RESPONSIBLE

donewithanakin: isn't his name ben?

smoler: it is, but hes changed it

smolone: just for emoness

donewithanakin: ah.

Smolone: call him ben it'll annoy him

smoler: please do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was going to write more buuut my parents are calling me to watch a movie
> 
> i'll probably write another chapter tomorrow
> 
> now that school's started again updates will probably only be on the weekends or on Wednesdays and Tuesdays


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo sorry for not updating  
> it's bc im irresponsible

Smoler has added 'candysmuggler', 'reyofsunshine', 'smolone', 'kyloistoodramatic', 'totallynotoodramatic', 'phastastic' and 'evenmoredonewithanakin' to 'help me assorted trash, you're my only hope'

smoler: OK SO

smolone: AKLFDAFJL WHAT

smolone: I JUST FELL DOWN THE STAIRS BC THE BEEP OF MY PHONE SUPRISED ME 

smolone: W HA T DO YOU W A NT

smoler: are you ok

candysmuggler: he's not

smolone: IM FI NE IS WHATS HAPPENING

candysmuggler: luke get off your ass 

candysmuggler: wait,,,

candysmuggler: are you even capable of getting up rn

smolone: probably not

smolone: buT I CHOSE NOT TO EITHER WA Y

smolone: vasappening.gif

smoler: I hate you

smoler: onE DIRECTION GIFS ARE NOT A L L OW ED HERE

smolone: :(

reyofsunshine: no but really what is going on

kyloistoodramatic: and can I leave

totallynotoodramatic: shut up youve got nothing better to do

kyloistoodramatic: I can think of some things

totallynotoodramatic: youre literally just trying out snapchat filters

kyloistoodramatic: is that not more important

totallynotoodramatic: it's not

kyloistoodramatic: fight me you don't even like snapchat

totallynotoodramatic: I would but I don't wanna kill you

kyloistoodramatic: lmao sure

kyloistoodramatic: anyway leia you were saying

smoler: so poe and finn's birthdays are like,, ridiculously close???

smolone: how do you know their birthdays

smoler: dont question my methods

smoler: anyway yeah their birthdays are 6 days apart

smoler: and neither of them have anything planned

smoler: and finn's birthday is in like a week

smoler: so we Have to throw them a party

smolone: OK I'M IN

candysmuggler: same

reyofsunshine: same

kyloistoodramatic: done with snapchat so same

totallynotoodramatic: same but only so I can annoy the fuck out of all of you

kyloistoodramatic: same to that as well

smoler: acceptable

smoler: OK SO PEOPLE

smoler: WE HAVE ONE WEEK TO SET THIS UP

evenmoredonewithanakin: um

evenmoredonewithanakin: hello??

smoler: YES YES HI DAD-WAN

evenmoredonewithanakin: I will never forgive anakin for that nickname

evenmoredonewithanakin: anyway

evenmoredonewithanakin: what's going on

smoler: WE'RE GOING TO THROW A PARTY FOR STORMPILOT

smolone: how is stormpilot their ship name

smoler: I think it's their video game characters???

smoler: anyway

evenmoredonewithanakin: are you throwing this at our house

smolone: yeah probably

evenmoredonewithanakin: fccklskingdfa;ldfafkljjddfans;lk

evenmoredonewithanakin: ok

evenmoredonewithanakin: can't be worse than anakin's emo stage

smolone: HIS WHAT

smoler: TELL US MORE

evenmoredonewithanakin: he's still in it tbh

smolone: I mean

smolone: tru

smoler: anyway so this is now officially at our house

smoler: and since we only have 2 days of school this week I expect you to spend all week on this

smoler: kylo, hux, you two are in charge of getting food and stuff since you're hella rich

totallynotoodramatic: *he's rich

smoler: yeah but you two will work together either way so

smoler: anyway me, luke, and han are on planning date/time and decortating

smoler: and rey and phasma are on getting them there and possibly cooking

smoler: oh yeah and dad-wan you're the Official Parent

 

smolone has entered 'help me assorted trash, you're my only hope'

smolone: first of all what is this name

smolone: and second of all 

smolone: this is happening on sunday at 5:00

smoler: yep

candysmuggler: only 4 days left 

smolone: letS DO THIS

totallynotoodramatic: so do you need the food early

smolone: yeah bring it at like noon

kyloistoodramatic: we dont even have food yet

kyloistoodramatic: mr. amidala-kenobi-skywalker (is that really your last name aklfkdlafl) could you please drive us to the supermarket

evenmoredonewithanakin: unfortunately it is

evenmoredonewithanakin: although we usually use our maiden names

evenmoredonewithanakin: anyway I'll drive you, yes

 

evenmoredonewithanakin: I regret this

evenmoredonewithanakin: they are being most uncivilized

smolone: hoW SO 

evenmoredonewithanakin: um.vid

(the video attached show an excited Kylo attempting to juggle fruit as Hux takes pictures of himself and Kylo. a fruit hits the camera and the video ends)

smolone: omg

smoler: just buy some f o o d 

smoler: do you need a freaking list

kyloistoodramatic: yes

smoler: youimbeciles.jpg

kyloistoodramatic: kthxbai

evenmoredonewithanakin: helpme.vid

(The video shows an annoyed looking Hux being lifted into the cart by an excited Kylo, who promptly pushes the cart, containing a now screaming Hux, into the fruit display)

evenmoredonewithanakin: we're about to be kicked out

kyloistoodramatic: ok so kylo got kicked out

kyloistoodramatic: and I got a ton of bruises

kyloistoodramatic: anyway

kyloistoodramatic: actually I have nothing to say bye 

kyloistoodramatic: im dead inside after that experience

 

 

smoler: ONE DAY LEFT

smoler: teAM MEETING TIME

kyloistoodramatic: we're not even at your house

smoler: then move your ass and get there

kyloistoodramatic: I hate all of you 

kyloistoodramatic: ...on my way

totallynotoodramatic: <3

kyloistoodramatic: fuck you you're going with me

evenmoredonewithanakin: language

 

smoler: deCORATION TIME

smolone: IVE ALREADY FALLEN OFF LIKE 3 CHAIRS ALSDKFKLF

smolone: W H A T DO YOU WANT

candysmuggler: kid,,,, we haven't even started

smolone: fml

smoler: OK SO 

smoler: H U X

smoler: GET OVER HERE AND BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND

kyloistoodramatic: ,,what boyfriend

totallynotoodramatic: me dumbass and im not going

candysmuggler: ben hurry up

totallynotoodramatic: first of all frick you

smoler: ooh, strong language

totallynotoodramatic: and second of all im outside

smolone: somEONE COME SAVE ME

smolone: I LOCKED MYSELF IN THE CLOSET TRYING TO GE T THE DECORATIONS AND I ACN'T GET O UT

smolone: I HAD COFFEE OKAY

smolone: DON'T JUDGE ME

smoler: in the closet huh 

smoler: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

smolone: no but really someone come get me it's cold in here

reyofsunshine: what is happening

smolone: heLLO

smolone: CURRENTLY DYING

smoler: right

smoler: so we leave luke there so he can't mess everything up with his clumsiness

smolone: IM NOT CLUSMY I FENCE

smolone: AFDKASL FWAIT

smolone: S OM E O N E S AV E M E

smolone: im,, freziing to deat

smolone: so....... coalsdfkld

smolone: coal

smolone: cold

smoler: drama queen

smolone: han... save me.... before it's too late...

smolone: I can feel my strength.... fading....

candysmuggler: im letting him out 

kyloistoodramatic: damn it

totallynotoodramatic: rt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was goING TO WRITE LIKE 1000 MORE WORDS   
> but my keyboard brOKE and now im missing the j and n keys so I can't type very well  
> next chapter will probably be on my phone


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey,,,,,,,,,,, sorry bout that,,,,,
> 
> hiatus is still on, i've got a C

smolone: it'S PARTY TIME 

smoler: SHOOT

totallynotoodramatic: yeah um

totallynotoodramatic: no streamers today...

candysmuggler: what the hell

candysmuggler: no really what in tarnation

smolone: okay so

smolone: hux is on a chair

smolone: and tgen kylo walk in

smolone: and hges wearign like a tank trp

smolone: and hux falls 

smolone: off of the chair 

smolone: and onto my heAD

smolone: I don't deserve to die this way

kyloistoodramatic: I refuse to get up

kyloistoodramatic: getting up would force me to acknowledge this situation

smolone: leia help me

reyofsunshine: oh my god 

reyofsunshine: better hurry up

reyofsunshine: finn left poe's jacket at your house the last time he was there and now he wants to go over and get it 

reyofsunshine: time is running out

smoler: shOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

smoler: EVERYONE GET UP 

smoler: NOW 

kyloistoodramatic: fyck it 

evenmoredonewithanakin: you children

phastastic: I don't even 

phastastic: I'm here. 

Phastastic: oh my god 

phastastic: mr. kenobi how do you live through this

evenmoredonewithanakin: am I really alive

evenmoredonewithanakin: inside

phastastic: everyone get the hell up

kyloistoodramatic: WHOS AT THE DOO R 

smolone: N O O O O O OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Finn walked through the doorway, accompanied by Poe, who was fairly clinging to him. Behind them was a rather desperate looking Rey, who was pleading with them to wait a few minutes. 

“What, Rey? It's not as thou-” 

Finn stopped in his tracks, horrified by the scene in front of him. 

Lying on the floor were Hux and Luke. Well, lying wasn't the best adjective. Hux was on top of Luke, pinning his legs to the ground, and Luke was brandishing his phone above his head, while squirming in an attempt to escape. Standing next to them was Kylo, who was rather halfheartedly trying to yank Hux off of Luke. 

In the corner of the room stood Obi-Wan, Phasma, Leia, and Anakin. Obi-Wan and Leia looked as if they'd gone into shock, Phasma looked done with everyone, and Anakin had just walked in. 

Meanwhile, Han Solo was manically laughing in the opposite corner, only stopping once he noticed Finn. 

Poe was the first to recover. “Hey, Mr. Kenobi! What's going on?” 

Kenobi blinked once, then twice, before speaking. “Happy birthday...” 

Poe frowned. “What? My birthday is tomorrow.” 

Leia shook herself out of shock and stepped forwards. “Shit.” 

That's about when it all went to hell. 

'smolone' has entered the chat.

smolone: well. 

Smoler: well, 

kyloistoodramatic: don't talk to me or my boyfriend or my aroace best friend ever again. 

totallynotoodramatic: honestly

totallynotoodramatic: same. 

poeno: fuck 

poeno: Fuck

poeno: fUcK 

poeno: what even was that

evenmoredonewithanakin: fuck it you children can cuss

evenmoredonewithanakin: im going to go be shellshocked with my spouses

evenmoredonewithanakin: clean up your fucking mess 

finn: there's still

finn: chocolate

finn: on my shirt

finn: who made that cake

smolone: me. 

smoler: me. 

Finn: oh. 

poeno: is it bad that I laughed when it fell

finn: yes. 

reyofsunshine: my 

reyofsunshine: my god

candysmuggler: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

reyofsunshine: chill, lin. 

Candysmuggler: THAT WAS GR8

finn: no it wasn't 

poeno: it was traumatic

finn: why the disco ball

smolone: well I guess when the disco ball fell and i tripped and turned on the lights it was

smolone: Panic! 

smolone: at the disco.

smoler: I want 

smoler: 2 die

smoler: this was all a bad idea

candysmuggler: THIS WAS A GREAT IDEA 

finn: me and my boyfriend are leaving

reyofsunshine: take me with you 

poeno: of course my fave lesbian 

reyofsunshine: thanks 

finn: yeah bye. 

Smoler: are we the only ones left 

candysmuggler: yeah im gonna go die somewhere of laughter

smoler: im just gonna go die

smolone: my legs are still pained so im gonna go watch star trek or something

smolone: oh how I wished someone would submit to my lovely puppy eyes and bring me tea

candysmuggler: on it. 

Smoler: how are you whipped yet not even dating him

candysmuggler: you gotta admit those are some good puppy eyes

smoler: eh true


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twice monthly updates? probs

Smoler: we never did have a party 

candysmuggler: do we need a repeat of last time 

finn: personally i'd like a party

smolone: my legs...

smoler: it's been 2 weeks 

smolone: so what 

poeno: ooh I want a party 

poeno: we'll do it right this time 

smoler: YES 

smoler: luke you're on music choices 

smolone: well fuck 

smoler: han, kylo, whoever else wants to is on decorations 

smoler: finn you can cook right 

finn: yeah!!!

smoler: ok you make a cake 

poeno: can I help 

smoler: sure 

phastastic: decorations? 

Smoler: yep 

smoler: I want all of you to make a group chat for the group of people you're working with 

smolone: we need group leaders 

smoler: hux leads decorations bc he'll take it over anyways, finn leads all the people who can cook, and luke can lead whoever has good taste in music, can't cook, and doesn't want to lift things 

smoler: choose now 

candysmuggler: music 

kyloistoodramatic: woah ok 

kyloistoodramatic: remind me why I still come to these little gatherings 

smoler: bc rey goes to them and kylo goes with her to bug her about joining art club, and you go with kylo for some reason

kyloistoodramatic: …

kyloistoodramatic: fair 

phastastic: decorations

reyofsunshine: I turn my phone of for ONE MINUTE 

reyofsunshine: cooking 

poeno: cooking 

totallynotoodramatic: nice to know I dont get a choice 

totallynotoodramatic: (gerard way would have given me a choice) 

totallynotoodramatic: decorations

smoler: and i'll run around making sure you guys aren't dead 

smoler: go make your chats now, come in here if you have a question 

 

smolone has added candysmuggler and totallynotoodramatic to 'music yay' 

kyloistoodramatic has added phastastic to 'whelp' 

kyloistoodramatic: looks like it's just us 

finn has added reyofsunshine and poeno to 'cooking' 

poeno: well this worked out well 

reyofsunshine: yeah I actually can't cook

poeno: same 

finn: you two make popcorn and iced tea 

smolone has entered 'music yay' 

smolone: musicsurvey.com 

smolone: everyone add their choices 

kyloistoodramatic has entered 'whelp' 

kyloistoodramatic: so do we just move the chairs to the tv and hang up streamers 

phastastic: probably 

kyloistoodramatic: gotcha 

 

smolone has entered 'music yay' 

smolone: KYLO N O 

smolone: WHY THE MCR 

totallynotoodramatic: you added the entire hamilton soundtrack 

smolone: true but,

candysmuggler: im blocking you kylo 

totallynotoodramatic: freedom of speech

smolone: right to remain silent 

smolone: anyway I like what we have now without kylo's songs let's leave it like this 

phastastic has entered 'help me assorted trash, you're my only hope' 

phastastic: he fell 

phastastic: he's just,, lying there 

kyloistoodramatic: I have my phone this is fine 

kyloistoodramatic: we're done, right 

phastastic: fair

poeno has entered 'cooking' 

poeno: FINN IM SO SORRY 

finn: HOW DO YOU CATCH POPCORN ON FIRE 

poeno: IT WAS ONLY A SPARK THE POPCORN IS JUST BURNT 

reyofsunshine: I have the iced tea...

finn: get out of the kitchen poe 

poeno: fine 

smoler has entered 'help me assorted trash, you're my only hope' 

smoler: WE'RE DONE RIGHT 

smolone: YEE

smoler: K LET'S WATCH A MOVIE AND EAT FOOD NOW 

kyloistoodramatic: why did you need decorations and music for that 

smoler: we're gonna dance afterwards 

kyloistoodramatic: fuck

**Author's Note:**

> done i regret this


End file.
